Moving Away #2
being alone and only by myself
hi, yup it's me again. well, I was supposed to finish this months ago, but work hasn’t been kind to me lately.
so, let's just dive in.
it’s been three months since I moved here to Jakarta, I met new people, made friends with my coworkers, found cool places, ate some good ramen, and there are still many things I want to do and visit. but, something doesn't feel right to me, idk whether it is because most of the time I spend my day all by myself or not I'm not so sure.
speaking of which, being alone feels relaxing yet it also means you get so lonely very often. at first, I enjoyed myself going anywhere without worrying about other things, I didn't have to worry about with whom I was going to visit certain places, I didn't have to wait for someone, I got to order food I craved from my tiktok’s fyp, I didn't have to worry about others opinion about certain things I met along the way, I got to experience things I hadn’t felt when I was at my hometown. this feeling I got about going anywhere at any time by myself was really pleasing. until, at night I stare blankly at the ceiling in my room.
as human beings, we need others to survive.
being alone doesn't hide the fact that I also feel very much lonely, deep down in my heart I want to tell someone about how my day has been, I want to be asked how work was at the office today, have I eaten, that feelings to be reassured, comforted and being listened is so underrated. loneliness also drained the hell out of my energy, I had to think twice about what I gonna do the day and towards the end of the month, without having anyone to listen to how mentally and physically drained you are.
but, that’s the beauty of living alone I guess. at the end of the day, I’m grateful that I still holding on, living well and I promise to take nothing for granted because this is just another chapter on my way to achieving my goal.
so, cheers to everyone out there who’s fighting for their dreams with no one else but their own.
warmest, ega
xx.
