intimacy and vulnerability
according to the dictionary, intimacy means a cozy private atmosphere, an intimate act, or anything related to comfort and closeness. intimacy is a cure for nowadays restless society. feeling secure inside your warm blanket beside your loved ones almost forgetting about all obstacles waiting in the near future. who doesn't want to feel intimate, to feel comfort?
but what if intimacy is not only about comfort and closeness feeling. what if it is about being vulnerable?
yes, there is a stigma in our society about being vulnerable. being vulnerable is often seen as a sign of weakness, especially among men. since when do vulnerability, openness, humility, brave, and authenticity become negative? vulnerability is not something we’re programmed to do with great ease and comfort. it isn’t a thing that we can learn about in school because emotional intelligence of any kind isn’t a skill set as important as basic algebra. we need these instruction manuals on vulnerability because most of us don’t know how to be vulnerable. In our personal relationships, like our family or origin system, the lessons we learn about emotional vulnerability will vary. for some of us, we grow up in emotionally open, safe, and communicative households. for most of the rest of us, however, we grow up in an environment of mixed messages or very stern messages which clearly teach us that being emotionally vulnerable in any way is entering dangerous territory. dangerous emotional territory in our foundational years typically means negative consequences result from showing our feelings. as a result of our emotional trauma, parts of our brain get shut off to the idea of being authentically vulnerable with our emotions. we fear rejection, abuse, and abandonment for feeling our feelings and expressing them. consequently, we begin to fear intimacy, closeness, and connection to other people in a deep way. while in fact, things like pain, sadness, and uncertainty are aspects of reality that we have to deal with for the rest of our lives. that is why the negative stigma about being vulnerable needs to be erased and encouraging about it on a massive scale as an essential thing of skill set in emotional intelligence.
being vulnerable is a part of intimacy. in fact, intimacy by its nature requires us to be vulnerable. allowing yourself to open up about your fragility and anxiety is a different level form of intimacy. allowing ourselves to be open gives us the opportunity to let another’s heart touch our own; the loneliness in our lives melts away with every tender moment we let in. it literally is a cure for human beings. it built an extreme comfort towards the people we love. it is not as easy as it sounds, but once you are able to do it, it really helps. even if we were used to being such a defensive person, by letting ourselves be exposed and open to the right person can break that wall. just like the saying, in order to build something we have to break it first.
the truth is intimacy and vulnerability are such underrated things in today's society. whilst, intimacy and vulnerability are tools in order for us to become fully human.
